


A Thousand Times Over

by classickylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attack of the Innuendos, F/F, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Karaoke Lesbians, Musicians, One Shot, There Is Always Light At The End of the Tunnel, Two Pure Souls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 12:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22216093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/classickylo/pseuds/classickylo
Summary: Paige Tico loved music.  Rose Tico loved Paige Tico.  Paige Tico died.  Rose Tico hated music.It's Rose's birthday, and Jannah drags her girlfriend to a karaoke bar.
Relationships: Jannah/Rose Tico
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	A Thousand Times Over

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Daniella & George (@kylosrep & @benbegginsolo on Twitter) Thanks for the inspiration & encouragement!
> 
> I'm so glad you're here. I hope you enjoy this one-shot of one of my favorite pairings: Rose & Jannah. Even if they didn't interact in The Rise of Skywalker, by seeing how Kelly Marie Tran & Naomi Ackie are such close friends (and they're ROOMMATES) it's nice to think of what could've been with these characters *stares at Disney* and how they could have existed to serve each other as friends or something more. 
> 
> I love you all! Thank you!

_☀︎_

_Remember that hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies._

_☀︎_

Slivers of golden light shed through the white curtains, dancing around the room until they found her. Ever so slowly they advanced, gently caressing her strong arms, her chest that rose and fell like the tides, her bare throat, chin, and eyes in greetings and excitement of the new day. The luminous beings serenaded promises of kindness, crooned that her special day would be one she would always remember, and belted that happiness would be hers today.

Rose Tico ignored their songs and stared blankly at the wall above her.

If this birthday was like the rest, Rose would've awakened to the opening drum notes of _Don't You (Forget About Me)_ by Simple Minds playing outside her door. She would've rushed to put on her favorite robe, the salmon pink one with her name hand-embroidered in the front, dove into her slippers, and dashed to meet the music and the gifts she knew were awaiting her. Opening the door, she'd see the ever so beautiful sight of Paige, grinning ear to ear with a bouquet of pink roses and a box, wrapped cherry blossom pink, that Rose knew held brand new vinyl records for her growing collection. Every year on her birthday, Paige had succeeded in giving Rose new music that grew to become her all-time favorites; there truly was no one who knew her tastes better. After a few hours of blasting the music, they would do whatever, wherever, as long as they were spending that whenever together. 

Paige died a month ago. Ever the martyr, dying to protect others. Strangers. People she didn't even know. At her funeral two weeks ago, Rose sat in complete silence as people, Paige's friends, _more strangers_ , came to her with their condolences and pity. As if their prayers and well wishes would do anything to help. As if they wanted it enough, Paige would come back.

Her sister was gone, and the only one who knew it was Rose. This was the first birthday that she was going to spend without her sister.

Rose clung her knees dearly to her chest, fighting the onslaught of tears that threatened to stain her cheeks. She wasn't going to think about this now. She had to think about _Jannah_ , the owner of the imprint in the bedsheets next to her. Jannah, the sweet, tall, beautiful woman that swooped in and introduced her to worlds she never thought existed out there and within herself. Jannah, her dear girlfriend of seven months and twelve days.

Her Jannah, the girl who was steadily cooking breakfast for her at this very moment in the kitchen. Rose could tell by the sound of pans rustling together and, if she focused her ears enough, the soft humming of the singer she fell in love with.

She was such an angel. During Rose's month-long mourning period of staying in bed, Jannah filled every morning with gentle encouragements to return to society, like asking if Rose was ready to attempt walking outside, or walking anywhere...in general. Her lover was the most patient person in the world, continuously assuring her that if she wasn't ready, it was okay. Rose, however, knew it wasn't okay but, no matter how much she tried, there wasn't any will within her to get up from the bed. It felt like every part of her was buried with Paige's casket.

Ah. Paige always came back to her. Soon enough, Rose felt the pang of an unknown force in her head. A memory. 

_Two young girls running along a street, laughing and egging each other to run faster. The youngest pointed to a window in a nearby store, showcasing a shiny, gleaming device that could download music and, by plugging in earbuds, allow for easy listening. The oldest reprimanded her, saying it wasn't something they could afford. The youngest pouted, staring wistfully at the marvellous display before dimly accepting and walking away. The oldest followed without another word._

Another memory: _The youngest woke in the middle of the night to the sound of the eldest getting home, and hid under her sheets to pretend she was asleep. The oldest trudged to their room, tucked something under the younger's pillow, set something upon her desk, and passed out on her bed. As the youngest traced the outline of the new iPod, the moon glinted through the window and cast upon the eldest's empty money jar that she had been using to save up for a car._

No. Today wasn't a day about Paige. Today was supposed to hers. She sighed, knowing that Jannah wanted her to have a good day despite the loss that consumed her from the inside. So, Rose decided that she was going to try, for her girlfriend and her wellbeing, to get up. Even if she didn't want to. Even if she wasn't ready to live without Paige yet. Jannah deserved to celebrate her girlfriend, not this empty shell that took up space on their bed.

It was only for today. Tomorrow she could return to her cage of blankets of pillows and wait out the emptiness in her heart for as long as it took. Another year, if it must.

With the deepest of sighs, Rose ascended from her bed and was automatically met with flushes of soreness. She stifled her groan, then took a glance at the hardwood floor next to the bed.

_One step at a time._

The second her bare foot met the cold floor, she began having regrets. _No, no, no, go back to bed, go back to bed, go back...go back..._

_No!_ She set down her other foot and stood up too quickly, and the rush of blood that went through her unused legs made her groan in a way she couldn't hide. The pain wasn't the only thing washing over her as the realization that _she was up_ settled in. She looked in the mirror at her frazzled hair, her prevalent dark circles, and her oversized college sweatshirt that hugged her body that was much thinner than it was a month ago. This was the wrong thing to do, this wasn't right, she should just go back to the bed, yes, back to the bed where she wouldn't feel any pain, yes, where she wouldn't feel any cold, where she could just hide and forget everything that happened, pretend that it wasn't her birthday because if it was her birthday that meant Paige would be here and since Paige isn't here...

The door creaked open with a gasp. Jannah, in her flame orange robe, froze in the doorway with her hands firmly grasping a tray loaded with a slice of banana bread, two avocado toasts sprinkled with red pepper flakes, a glass of orange juice, and a strawberry breakfast quinoa bowl. Rose flinched.

A pause. Then, Jannah broke into a toothy grin. "You're up."

A nod, then a tentative laugh. "I'm surprised I didn't topple over."

Jannah's smile didn't fade a bit. She left the tray of food at the desk at the front of the room, walked to Rose's silhouette and scooped up her thighs to wrap around her waist, hugging and digging her head into Rose's shoulder. Rose yelped; it was so easy to forget just how _strong_ her girlfriend was. "Happy birthday, you grandma." Jannah murmured, turning to look at Rose so softly that the dig almost evaded Rose's conscience.

"Grandma? Jannah, _I'm only one year older than you_."

"Older is old, love."

Rose frowned. "Are you calling me a cougar?"

"Sure," she replied, tilting her head downwards to gently press her lips to Rose's forehead. "An adorable, tiny little cougar."

All Rose could do was roll her eyes in response as Jannah laughed heartily, rubbing Rose's legs with the utmost tenderness. "You never change," she spoke softly, then moved her searing kiss to Rose's mouth restlessly, intently, longingly. They haven't been physically affectionate since the funeral, before Rose's state, and it was obvious in Jannah's passion that it was something she dearly missed. Rose tried to return it the kiss the way she wanted to, the way she knew Jannah liked, but the emptiness washed over her like a wave again and she was left in a circumstance of complete immobility. 

As her girlfriend pulled away, Rose feared to see the disappointment in her eyes. Rose knew she wasn't giving her as much as she should've, emotionally or physically, and she hated herself for it. 

But, there was no trace of chagrin in Jannah; at the most, she was watching Rose considerately, drinking her in with those dark, dark eyes that knew her in ways nobody else did. There was no way those eyes knew of the waves crashing against Rose's shore. Paige would know, though.

Rose sighed. _Paige always knew._

"Is...everything alright?"

She perked up her head and realized that Jannah had set Rose back on the ground, rubbing out the knots in her shoulders to bring her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, yeah," Rose fixed a smile, no matter how much it hurt, "My body's just getting used to...being used, I guess. I just need to stretch."

Jannah watched Rose for a moment more before the left curve of her lips turned upward. "You know nobody can stretch your body as I do." Rose gasped and swatted at her, despite Jannah's catlike reflexes that evaded her hits with ease and laughter. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Come eat with me in the kitchen. I made your breakfast just how you little vegans like it," she winked, "and you should check your phone. Rey tried calling you hours ago, but you never woke up. Guess you didn't hear your alarm in your sleep."

"Hours ago?" Rose blinked, and checked her phone for the numerous messages and call notifications that filled up her screen. Then, she looked at the time. "12:30 PM!? Jannah, it's practically brunch already!"

"As I said, you didn't wake up, love." Jannah shrugged mindlessly, but her expression spoke something else. "I tried, believe it or not. But, it was like trying to wake a..." she cut herself off and shook her head before her smile returned to her face. "Nevermind. I'll wait for you." Jannah grabbed Rose's tray and headed to the kitchen to serve her meal while Rose scanned through the messages. She did get two, ten minute long voicemails from Rey wishing her a happy birthday, several birthday cat memes from Finn, several paragraphs detailing his gratitude for her from Ben, a plain "Happy birthday" from Armitage, and a selfie from a grinning Poe mailing a box to her.

She smiled, briefly, painfully, then set her phone back down without answering. She didn't have the heart to tell Jannah that she never was asleep.

☾

After a breakfast spent debating over what constitutes a brunch if it's someone's breakfast, Jannah tore into her final slice of toast and ate thoughtfully, her eyes never abandoning her companion's. "So, I have several options prepared for what we could do today."

"Oh?" Rose leaned forward, her interest piqued.

"Oh." Jannah agreed, "So, performing around the corner tonight is the..."

"No."

"No? You don't wanna hear who it is? You love them, though."

Could she admit every single song that she tried to listen to reminded her too much of Paige? That music only widened the emptiness within the root of her soul to the point where she felt numb? That the one fear she had since childhood was losing her hope, her sole protector, her dear sister?

By that innocent look of Jannah's eyes...no, she couldn't. 

"I'm still getting used to getting up and being about...I'd hate to be in a crowded place where people could easily bump into me." She dragged the hood of her sweatshirt over her head, maddeningly tightening it to her chin.

Jannah paused, her gaze shifting from the hood before it faltered back to Rose's face. "Okay then, that's fair. If you're worried about the crowds we could stay here at home, watching movies or listening to your records?" she smiled, "It would just be us two."

_Movies have soundtracks. Movie soundtracks._ _And records...automatic no._ "Oh...I don't wanna bore you with things we could do on a regular weekend."

"Love, with you, in bed or out, I'm never bored. If we're talking hunger, that's another story."

Rose took a second to absorb that, then unconsciously blurted out, "Restaurant."

Her girl lifted her brows in surprise. "Eating out is always a fun time. Got any restaurants in mind?"

She scavenged her mind for a place that she knew to be completely quiet, without a single speaker playing a waiter's Spotify playlist or a live guitarist to be found-- a search that proved to be fruitless & empty.

"Actually, I went to this place by the beach with Finn a couple of years ago," Jannah started, her hand reaching out across the table before stopping, "It was nice, listening to the quiet crashing of the waves while sipping on margaritas, the lightbulbs over us even as it got dark. Now that I remember, that cousin of mine wimped out and ordered his drink virgin, you know how virgins are..."

The emptiness was washing over again, like the waves Jannah was describing, begging Rose to just _go back to bed_ and forget about today, but she tied herself down to her ocean's floor and stood her ground. Just for today. Besides, a music-less restaurant was the best thing she could get. "That sounds...lovely." Rose eased out a smile, and reached her hand over to trace the top of her girlfriend's knuckles lightly, "I think the salty sea air and the sight of the waves would help."

Jannah instinctively flipped her hand over so her hand could squeeze Rose's, and the smile that swelled crookedly in the way Rose liked made her heart skip a beat. God, she loved her.

"If you want, the waves won't be the only thing pounding shores tonight."

...She still loved her.

☾

Rose fiddled with the bottom of her dress as Jannah drove under the cover of night, the radio's knob turned completely to 0. It was just a casual off-the-shoulder black dress with white flowers sewn into its edges, not tight in the slightest, but the occasional breeze from the air conditioning wrapping around her bare arms made her feel uneasy. Getting ready was difficult enough: showering without having the urge to sing, shaving without listening to albums to distract from the pain of the occasional nick, and doing her makeup without the familiar feel of her buds nestled in her ears. In her trysts to relearn everything, Rose was startled to see how integrated the music of the world were into something as simple as her going-out routine. Even if her eyeliner looked to be the same as she always did it...it didn't _feel_ like the way she perfected it. 

Nothing felt like anything more. Paige made the world feel like it had millions of little secrets to uncover before a lifetime ended, and Rose sought to solve every single one with unrelenting optimism. Unravelling each one was a new song that sang only for her. But, Paige was gone. Where once she saw life, Rose only saw decay.

She sighed again, momentarily forgetting the bedazzled, jumpsuit wearing, very concerned woman next to her. "Do you," Jannah broke the silence, her eyes never leaving the street in front of her, "remember how we met?"

Rose snorted. "Of course." She could recall it as if it were yesterday, not years ago. Another memory graced her.

_Paige had taken her to a local park music festival but, before the opener started, she went in search of a cure to her insatiable bagel hunger and left her by herself. Suddenly, the announcer climbed on the stage and began to introduce the act, and Rose worriedly shook her head around to look for her older sister before anything started. Her back was to the stage and, right when she was about to push through the crowd to the various vendors on the other side, she came to an immediate halt._

_In the air, freely rousing around her, was the sound of a summer's day incarnate: tender, warm, imaginative, charming, energetic, and fearless. She closed her eyes, her fingers twitching to see it, touch it, hold onto it and listen all day long. Yet, there was something else there...an underlying winter to the sunny days the sound promised. It was sad, terribly sad...but real, tangible, something that she could grasp and know that it wasn't a dream. She turned around to the stage._

_Hands gripping the microphone tight, sweat beading on her forehead, body rolling to the music, the angel crooned to an exuberant audience. She was very trim and built, shown by the sparkly pantsuit that was fitted to every bodily contour, and she endlessly gave her all into the gifts she gave to her listeners' ears with only an electric guitar to accompany her. Tightly woven glittered braids slapped the air with ferocity as she became one with what she was singing, with every note, every piano solo, and every audience member. Her eyes blazed with passion, inviting whoever was there to rejoice in the melodies with her._

_Little Rose, bewildered by standing in the presence of an ethereal being, rejoiced with her. She didn't even mind being caught against a hundred other sweaty bodies to the point where her glasses fogged up; being there, hearing this, she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. After one song, the artist breathlessly soaked up the applause, raising her hands to let it all shower over her like a desert's first rain. Then, the announcer promptly reminded the audience of the next act ahead, and the audience's love drew away from the angel and to the excitement of the upcoming performers. The artist nodded and took her guitar offstage, walking by herself to whatever destination laid in front of her._

_She wasn't always impulsive. So, when the main act took centre stage and she instead made her way through the grassy paths of the park to the gated area where various trailers were packing, she was struck completely off guard. Her conscience told her to keep walking. Rose easily snuck in between all the commotion, no one noticed her anyways. Scanning through all the trailers, she stopped at the sight of one with a blackboard littered with silver star stickers and the name, written in a silver Sharpie and an immensely curvy font, "Jannah." Some force within her told her that was the one, that this was the place she needed to be, but she made no further movement toward the door. What if this was the wrong thing to do? What if this is a complete invasion of privacy? What if the reason that the performer was alone was due to being a malicious, evil creature that sucked the life out of anyone who wanted to work with her..._

_"Admiring the handiwork? Spent a good twenty minutes copying a font from Google to craft that."_

_Rose yelped and turned around immediately, and there she was. Jannah, in all her glory. She was still a bit sweaty from her set, but her face was made a lot brighter by the blinding highlight swiped along the top of her cheeks. Her eyes were dark, so dark, and were a lot more intense than expected. So much that it rendered Rose to a stutter that she only had in elementary school._

_Jannah tilted her head to the side, knitting her eyebrows together in perplexity before smiling and reaching into her pocket to whip out a silver Sharpie. "What would you like me to sign?"  
_

_"N-no..." Rose choked out nervously, "I-thank you."_

_"So," Jannah sat at the fold-out picnic table that was in front of her trailer, crossing her long legs while peering up at the stammering girl, "if you didn't come for an autograph, why are you here?"_

_"You asked me to come." Rose blurted out but was met automatically with a surge of regret at the sight of Jannah's body tensing. She must've made her so uncomfortable. "I-I'm so sorry, that sounded so weird..."_

_"Hey." Rose looked up to meet the pitch-black eyes of a woman, who gave her a tired, tender smile. It wasn't like anything Rose had ever seen before. "It's not weird. Here, sit down," she gestured to the seat next to her, "I'd like if you could explain what you mean."_

_She looked back at the ongoing concert seemingly a mile away, the screens showcasing a different kind of wild energy within the performers that followed Jannah. The words seemed to come to her, and she took the offer of a seat with gratitude. "Your voice...you weren't singing."_

_"Hm?"  
  
  
_

_Rose blinked, trying to get her words right. "It was like...you were pleading. Asking the audience to stay with you. Begging for them to remember you, and take you home with them. Other artists usually perform for the fun of it, or the fame, or because they want to make a living. But you," she exhaled, "you needed the music, the audience, and the experience. You needed them desperately to...breathe! Yes, to breathe, to keep going."_

_Jannah stayed silent, staring at the grass while musing over the woman's words. "...How'd you come to that conclusion?"_

_She shifted her gaze to the grass, reaching up to hug herself and keep it together. "I...was alone, too. Seeing you up there with so much happiness and so much sadness at the same time...and when they kicked you offstage for the main act, you didn't have an entourage to help...I wouldn't want to be alone in that situation. So some part of me just told me to go and follow you..."  
  
  
_

_Jannah snorted. "Stalker. I would report you for that."_

_Rose lifted her eyes to that of Jannah's. "Wait, what?"_

_She shrugged. "You've been very antagonistic this whole time, refusing my offer of an autograph, accusing me of being a depressed loner that needs attention from making music...all in minutes," she clicked her tongue, "My security detail won't have that."_

_A gasp breached from Rose's lips, and tears began to brim as her eyelids blinked madly before she looked around the two of them and subsequently frowned. "You don't have any security...?"_

_Jannah threw back her head and laughed. "You've got me there, love. By the way, I wasn't going to throw you out...I do find your presence refreshing."  
_

_"Could you please not call me 'love'? It's Rose. Rose Tico."_

_"Don't like nicknames?"  
_

_"I just don't throw around that word easily, okay?"_

_"Fair enough, Rose Tico." Rose's breath caught at how she said her name, in that British accent of hers, and found herself quite refreshed in her presence, too. "Say, Rose, would you like to split a beer with me?"_

_Rose turned her face back to the music festival, knowing that sometime, somewhere, her sister would be looking for her. Paige wouldn't mind, she spoke to herself, it's just half of one beer.  
_

_"Sure."_

_"Say, Rose. Hypothetical situation. How do you fix the little dilemma that you say I have?"_

_Rose turned to Jannah, suddenly struck aback by how lonely her deep dark eyes were while looking at her. Sometimes, she saw that exact look in her own eyes when passing by anything reflective, which she tried not to spend too much time on because she had enough reminders of how lonely she was already._

_Yet, here, she felt this overwhelming urge to end this girl's loneliness. Even if it was only for the night._

_"Find a crew that can support you," Rose spoke softly. "And find a manager that cares enough to at least be with you when you're performing."_

_It was 2 AM when Paige finally found her sister, a small bookish woman with thick-rimmed glasses and a sweater in August, laughing breathlessly beside the shiniest woman she's ever seen, six empty bottles of_ Dos Equis _sitting around them. She exhaled in relief and followed with a phone call, asking the police to end the search: her sister was okay._

"I didn't even know I was into girls until you," Jannah admitted, "Well, then again, I wasn't really into anybody until you."

Rose turned to look at her girl fully, marks of confusion penning into her face. "Wait, what do you mean?"

She laughed in return, her huge smile then fading into a small, soft, intimate one. "You were the first person who saw me. Saw the person I was, who I wanted to be, who I could become. You figured me out faster than friends who'd known me since my toddler days, love."

Rose blushed, the hands that were previously fidgeting in her lap ceasing to move. "You say that like it's an accomplishment. Anyone who was paying attention to you could get you in an instant."

"That's the thing, Rose. The only person that was paying attention was you."

A beat.

Rose leaned over and kissed Jannah's cheek, softly, briefly, before the high tide returned and reminded her to not relish in her happiness too much. She sunk back into her seat. They continued on their long drive, the lights of the city dancing without restraint to the music of the bustling traffic.

☾

"You didn't have to pick up a cake."

"Love, we've been through this. Your opposition to this is fruitless because birthday cake is always for the non-birthday people." Jannah smiled, holding the white cardboard box with the cake like it were a baby while the pair walked along the boardwalk. "Besides, I got it a while ago. Wasn't going to just let it go to waste."

She stopped walking and peered over at the white box with a sense of suspicion. "What flavor is it?"

"A surprise." Jannah winked.

"Ugh." She folded her arms together childishly.

Her girlfriend smiled, cradled her hand to cup the side of Rose's head, and tilted her head down to rest on the top of her girlfriend's briefly before they continued walking. "You'll like this one, I promise."

"That's what you said about those spinach puffs at Hux's and look what happened-"

As a cold breeze danced between the couple, Jannah suddenly stopped. "Oh, no."

"What is it?"

She pointed with her chin to a beach access a block down. Above it was built an immense arch reading "The Blue Naboo" in fluorescent lights that were turned off. There was no waiter there at the entrance to greet incoming customers, nor was the entrance even opened, to begin with. 

"Closed." Jannah sighed, looking down. "Gosh, Rose, I'm so sorry."

Rose's eyebrows pinched together in confusion. Jannah was always very...meticulous...about her plans. She would've reserved a table ahead of time, or called to make sure they were open. This was really out of character for her...but maybe she made a mistake is all? Maybe she was so concerned with making Rose happy that she forgot to commit to her process? She exhaled quietly, letting it go to tip on her toes to gently peck the bottom of Jannah's jaw with her lips. "It's okay. It happens." _Maybe they could go home now, back to her room, her bed, her security..._

"You know, there's another really fun place around here," Jannah took her hand suddenly, taking her by surprise and dashing off further down the pier.

Rose huffed, trying to will her feet to catch up with her girlfriend. "Jannah, _where are you taking me_?"

"It's a surprise!"

"Is everything a surprise to you?!"

Jannah finally stopped before a short, red building with lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling that shielded them from the whispers of the chilly winds. Rose focused her ears but couldn't hear any music and, observing her in her moment of vulnerability, Jannah quickly opened the door and guided Rose inside. She wasn't fast enough to push Rose in before she could read the sign.

_Star Karaoke._

Oh.

My.

God.

Rose believed she was in a state of shock because she made no efforts to move unless guided by Jannah herself. Together, they made their way to the front desk as Jannah paid for a private karaoke room for the two of them. _Karaoke_ , she thought, _what a horrid word._ She finally started to think and her hearing was the first sensation that found its way back to her.

"You'll have the room for an hour, so you'll be done at 10:00 sharp. I'll knock beforehand," the cashier noted, then peered down at the white cake box that Jannah held in her hands. "Is...that cake? We don't allow outside food in the rooms."

Jannah pouted. "It's my girl's birthday! You wouldn't deny a girl her birthday cake, would you? She is terribly excited."

The cashier blinked, peered over at the still frozen Rose, then printed out Jannah's receipt, "Third door on your right. Don't get any crumbs on the floor."

"You're a gem." she grinned and looped her arm through Rose's to head into the room. 

Rose felt like she was about to faint. Despite Jannah's firm grip on her, the red walls of the hallway morphed into a roulette wheel, endlessly spinning, endlessly laughing at her, endlessly taunting her, endlessly reminding her of what she lost. _Who_ she lost.

A memory.

_Girls silently watching her walk into class with the same outfit she wore yesterday. She puts on her headphones._

A memory.

_Her teacher telling her that she's doing well in AP Stats, for a Vietnamese girl. She puts on her headphones._

A memory.

_Running home crying after seeing her boyfriend with someone else. She turns to Paige's warm embrace._

"I know the perfect song for tonight." Jannah murmured, somehow knowing her footing in this churning sea of horrors when she opened the door to their room.

It was small, intimate, with a red couch lining the brick wall and a short glass table in the middle, where Jannah let go of Rose to set the cake. Toward the front were a giant touchscreen and a microphone that spitefully huffed at Rose as she sat, without mind, on the flimsy couch.

"Oh, I can't wait. I haven't held a microphone in so long," Jannah sighed with exhilaration, "I mean, it's only been about two months since I announced the break but-" 

"This was your plan."

Jannah froze. She's such an open book, Rose thought as she watched the excitement drain out of her faster than anything she's ever seen."

"What?"

"Oh, _please_ , Jannah, do you think I'm stupid?" She didn't mean to raise her voice, but it did on its own, "Do you think that because I'm weird right now, I'm more _oblivious_ to everything around me?"

Jannah softly shook her head and mouthed "no" before her speech returned to her. "N-no! Rose, I don't think you're stupid. Please, believe me when I say that's the absolute _last_ thing I think you to be."

Rose's cheeks were burning; she was mad. It was as if every feeling that she'd been festering inside for so long was finally emerging, and it took no prisoners in its wake. "What do you even think of me? What do you s-s- _see_ when you look at me right now?!"

"My girlfriend! Rose, I see my girlfriend." Jannah stated immediately, her eyes growing in concern.

"I don't even know why y-you're still here!'

"I still care about you! So much!! Even if you're," she pressed her eyes tight in pain," dealing with things right now. Why would you think that I'd want to leave you?"

"Because I don't act like I used to! Because _this,"_ she gestured down at herself in disgust," this p-person in front of you isn't your girlfriend! This person doesn't kiss you like your girlfriend! Doesn't h-hold you at night like your girlfriend!"

"You talk like my girlfriend. You look like my girlfriend. _You are my girlfriend_. There are just pieces of you..." Jannah's hands held Rose's cheeks, eyes furrowed into hers, looking, searching for something, "...pieces of you that I can't fix on the surface. That I can't get to by just talking to you."

"This was your plan, all along," Rose spat again, tearing her gaze from her girlfriend, too distraught to even think or look at her, "You knew that the restaurant was closed today. You got me in the perfect place so I can be forced to listen to things that remind me of _her_ , that reminds me of everything Paige promised that I will _never_ get to see, that makes me want to--"

"This song isn't Paige!" Jannah yelled and, at the sight of Rose's eyes widening at her fury, took a deep breath and calmed herself down, "It's _me_ , talking to you the way I know...the way _we_ know," her eyes shut tightly in a failed attempt to keep the tears from spilling out, "You saved my life the day you heard me and decided to come. You helped me to believe that there were things that I could look forward to. People I could look forward to. Dreams I could look forward to."

"You lied to me."

"I knew you would've never gotten out of the apartment if I told you the truth. You wouldn't have even left the bed."

Rose was shaking, gripping the ends of the lightly tattered couch as Jannah bared herself. The truth stung. The emptiness was all washing over her again, she was drowning again, it was too much, too fast, she should've never left her bed.

"You saved me and, _damn it Rose_ , I'm asking you to come to me one more time...see me again. _Hear me, again_."

She didn't respond to that, so Jannah just sighed and picked the song. She gripped the microphone like she did at that very first concert, and looked over at Rose with pained, unmistakable love as the purple fluorescents of the screen illuminated her face. "Happy birthday, my Rose," she spoke softly, her voice ringing around the room and further weighing down on Rose's heart, "I love you. This is for you."

Rose closed her eyes tightly, praying that this nightmare would end as quickly as it began.

Jannah began.

_All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see your eyes_   
_Rosanna, Rosanna_   
_I never thought that a girl like you could ever care for me, Rosanna_

The familiar sound of her girlfriend's singing crept into Rose's ears, the sensation comparable to seeing an old friend again. It was impossible to tune her out; once Jannah started singing, Rose knew she was doomed to fall prey to the raw beauty of her voice. Still struck her as powerfully as it did way back then. Her back began to rise.

_All I wanna do in the middle of the evening is hold you tight_   
_Rosanna, Rosanna_   
_I didn't know you were looking for more than I could ever be_

She opened her eyes to meet Jannah's, that of which trembled with fear and relief at seeing her and knowing that she was listening. Jannah's body relaxed and flowed with the music, swaying in that natural way that only belonged to her. She truly believed in what she was singing; she was so comfortable dancing in front of her, which confused Rose even further. This was far different than the very desperate, needy way she danced back at that music festival when she relied on the music as a lifeline. Instead, here, she was trying to make her see something, to make her look even deeper than she did before. So, she listened, trying to understand what it was she was trying to do. What she was trying to say.

_Not quite a year since she went away, Rosanna yeah_   
_Now she's gone and I have to say_

Jannah broke into a choreographed dance, busting out moves that Rose had only seen on the stages of K-pop groups. Rose couldn't help it: a giggle burst forth from her lips. Jannah's ears perked up at the sound and a toothy grin stretched across her face as she belted the chorus.

_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_   
_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_

Rose felt a familiar buzz hum against her thigh. She opened her small handbag to see a simple little text message from Rey. "I love you! I miss you! Thank you for standing up for me when I needed you! Ok I'm gonna sleep goodnight!" She could practically hear Rey's voice, so kind and tender and sweet. She cared about Rose, _loved_ her. Why would she love her? What did Rose do to earn all of that? Rose read the message again. _Thank you for standing up for me when I needed you._

  
  
_I can see your face still shining through the window on the other side_   
_Rosanna, Rosanna_   
_I didn't know that a girl like you could make me feel so sad, Rosanna_

She always tried to be a beacon of light for all of her friends, but the source of her energy always came from the knowledge that if she ever were to run out, Paige would be right there to fill her up again. She thought that Paige would never be absent from her life...but that was selfish of her to think. Of course, Paige wouldn't always be with her--although Rose did imagine that they would've at least spent more time together before any separation happened. Without her hope, though, what was Rose? Who was she?

  
  
_All I wanna tell you is now you'll never ever have to compromise_   
_Rosanna, Rosanna_   
_I never thought that losing you could ever hurt so bad_

She looked up at Jannah and suddenly saw the sun. Or, well, she saw the sun in her girlfriend's eyes, and realized that, to Jannah, _she_ was a sun. _She_ controlled her own life, led her own decisions, made her own mistakes, and gathered herself back up in dark times. _She_ was a good friend, maybe not of recent, but one that people were glad to have. _She_ had a lovely girlfriend that makes her breakfast on every holiday and thought of her as one of the closest people to her in the world. 

She was her own person, even without Paige. She was just Rose Tico. 

No. She wasn't _just_ Rose Tico. She was _the_ Rose Tico. No other, no more, no less.

  
  
_Not quite a year since she went away, Rosanna yeah_   
_Now she's gone and I have to say_

As Jannah entered the chorus, Rose broke into an immeasurable smile, and Jannah met hers in return.

_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_   
_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_

Jannah dissolved into another dance break, but she gestured for Rose to come up and move with her. Rose scrunched her face and shook her head, but Jannah laughed, walked over, and gently pulled her up into her. Next thing she knew, they were laughing and dancing together. On the next verse, she even joined in.

  
_Not quite a year since she went away_   
_Who is it? Rosanna yeah_   
_Now she's gone and I have to say_

Their bodies danced so close to each other, arms rubbing against each other, legs sliding together, their eyes interlocking with a foreign need that they hadn't quenched in so long. Rose smiled and wrapped her arms around Jannah's waist to bring her nearer.

  
_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_   
_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_

She felt alive. She felt strong. She felt loved. 

  
_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_   
_Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah_

The song ended, and the couple frantically caught their breath while their eyes never left the other.

A thousand apologies were racing to leave Rose's lips first. Who was she to doubt Jannah, when it was her that knew exactly what she needed? Knew she needed this, to be with her, to sing with her, to see music not just as a remnant of Paige, but as a part of _their_ life together, too? Knew that they could push each other to the surface, but it took themselves to make that final paddle to make it to air?

She loved her. So much.

Her girlfriend's smile of delight weaned away into an expression of complete resoluteness, and she solemnly left the microphone stand to walk to the glass table. She turned her attention to the cake box, picked it up, and gave it to Rose. As its weight settled into her hands, Rose realized that it was surprisingly light for a cake, so much so that Rose's smile faded away.

"Jannah, what's in the box?"

No response. She just watched her quietly, her dark eyes battling some internal, unseen force that Rose couldn't see. Rose felt her heart hammering in her chest, and she hurriedly opened the cake box to find nothing inside. Nothing but another box, wrapped in cherry-blossom pink paper. 

Just the way it always was wrapped.

"Paige left me several records," Jannah whispered, "and begged me to save them for the birthdays that she couldn't be a part of."

Nothing could have stopped the tears that splashed off Rose's cheeks and, as her body met the floor's carpet and Jannah raced to kneel at her side, she burst into the most beauteous laughter that her girlfriend had ever heard from her. As she felt Jannah's grip around her tighten in confusion, she relaxed her laughter and let herself fall into a soft smile before reaching upward to gingerly caress her lover's cheek.

"Paige hated my music," Rose choked out quickly, then moved to explain. "Yet, the one song we both loved was in the movie we were watching before we were told our parents died."

Her companion responded with touch, wrapping her long arms around Rose's slender waist, willing her to continue speaking.

"It was just the two of us for a very long time." she exhaled slowly, willing herself to dive straight into her waves instead of trying to run to her shores, "I had a lot of people in my life tell me that I was worthless, but Paige would ground me and remind me that their thoughts didn't matter. On the days she wasn't there, I'd just pop in my earbuds and the music was there in her place." Rose's expression briefly turned bitter, but she let the hatred go. 

Beside her, Jannah kept her hold on Rose like she was guarding a hidden treasure, not willing to relinquish her to conquerors in any shape or form.

"I was so...stupid...to think that she was gone." Rose opened her eyes and sighed while her thumb traced the bottom of Jannah's lips, so soft, so tender, so loving. "Stupid to think that because she's gone, I have no family left. You were here, too. You were always here, and because of you, and this gift, she'll always be here, too."

Jannah closed her eyes tightly before leaning forward and kissing the hand that yearned for the feel of her mouth. Then, she met Rose's lips with as much eagerness as and love that she could focus within it. Rose blossomed, her body descending into Jannah's lap as their mouths sang a new song together, their hands gifting each other all the happiness and touch that they craved for the entirety of the day. In Rose's lingering grazes against Jannah's skin, she was thanking her girl for everything she did for her today and all that she knows she'll continue to do tomorrow, and the day after, and the year after, and the eternity that they'll spend together, for as long as they wish to stay together. In Jannah's warm embrace, she was answering Rose's gratitude with an affirmation: the only life she ever wanted was right here, holding her, being with her, kissing her, and telling her nothing but the truths that she held close to her heart.

"You are the most important woman to me," Jannah breathed against Rose's neck, and the hairs behind it rose quickly. "Anyone who even dares to think you shouldn't exist can meet me in the parking lot outside." 

Rose laughed and peered down, taking a moment to meet Jannah's eyes, the color of a moonless sky or a late evening spent clinging to each other, and soak in her words. She tucked one of her own loose hairs behind her ear before bringing her lips back to Jannah's, slower than before, but still as appreciative and needing.

With that, the spell began to dim, and the tasty haze dwindled around the pair as they settled into each other's arms on the carpet of that karaoke room, Rose's head on Jannah's shoulder, hearts steadying to the tune of the other. Jannah lifted her head ever so carefully to glance at the clock that loomed over the door. "It's 9:59, love."

A sigh. "It's been an hour already? I wish this final minute can last forever."

A chuckle. "I'd love to help and give you that minute a thousand times over if you want it."

A shy smile. "Oh, I want it."

Another chuckle. "I know," A pause, "I know you."

"I know."

Jannah stood and extended her hand down to her girlfriend, her love, the love of her life. "Shall we entreat upon our estate, my mademoiselle?"

Rose giggled and took her hand, without question or fear. "We shall, and we shall with haste, my lady," she spoke in her dire attempt of imitating Jannah's accent, which worked as it brought a brighter light upon her Jannah's face, and she lifted Rose quickly as to meet her lips with hers again, and again, and again until a knock at the door broke their meetings.

"Time!"

Jannah's skin blushed so deeply with color that it made Rose's heart flutter. "Come on," she whispered. "Let's go home."

One hand gripping her girlfriend's, the other holding the cherry-blossom pink box of her sister's legacy, Rose left the karaoke bar with the resounding happiness that the day promised it would bring, and for that, she finally saw the future it wanted to give her. 

_Because of you, Paige,_ she thought with a smile, _Because of your love, I found my hope, which let me find_ her _and all the most amazing people of my life._

As the chilly April evening air nicked at her skin outside the bar, and Jannah teased her on her rosy cheeks, she looked up to see the city's first rainfall of the month. 

"I didn't know it was going to rain!" Jannah yelped, dashing to where their car was parked to fetch an umbrella to cover the couple, but Rose didn't mind. She breathed heavily and tilted her face upward as she let the droplets cascade through her hair, over her face, dip under her chin to trek down her neck. She wasn't drowning; the waves weren't trying to sink her anymore. She was forcing them to clean the battered wounds laden on her soul, treading in her seas as she relished in the renewal of purpose and hope she thought long gone. Her principles weren't as dependent as they used to be, of course, but they were still cemented in the belief that, as long as she loved and gave her all, life was going to be okay. 

She was going to be okay.

When Jannah got back to her, she was soaked to the bone without the slightest quiver or shiver. Rose's girlfriend chuckled and walked the umbrella over to shield them both before her dry hands lifted Rose's wet jaw and met her face with a soft, lingering kiss before pulling away. "Maybe if we had the radio on, we'd of heard of the 70% chance of rain tonight." 

A cheeky smile. "You know that being wet has never bothered me."

A wild gasp, a head spinning around madly to see if anyone heard. "Did-did you just make a funny? I believe that you, Rose Tico, just made a funny."

A giggle. "Kiss me again, Jannah."

The two lovers wrapped around each other without a thought of being dry, encompassed in the other's warmth and tender kisses that left them yearning for more, so much more, as the rain pooled around the silhouette of the umbrella. "So," Jannah sighed happily, tucking one of Rose's drenched strands of hair behind her ear, "now that you're absolutely moist..."

Rose laughed, her arms snaking down from where they enveloped around Jannah's neck to her awaiting open palm that sought to hold hers firmly. "Never say moist again."

"Moist. Moist. Moist." Jannah murmured to her as they walked back to the car, snorting every time Rose met her speech with a teasing punch to the shoulder. Before Rose got in the car and departed for home with a _very_ enthused Jannah, she looked up to the sky and one more time. At her glance, the brilliance of a lightning strike traipsed across the sky and cut the clouds apart. The night became the day for the millionth of a millisecond.

It was a very happy birthday, indeed.

_Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for supporting this one-shot! This lil story means so much to me and I'm glad you took some time out of your day to read it. Honestly, truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
> 
> Catch me on Twitter (@classickylo), if you haven't, and if you have feedback or thoughts I'd love to hear it! 
> 
> Please take care!


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